this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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