I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize