Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
