Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
