It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
