Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
