now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
