She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
