He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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