Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
