New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
