If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
