You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
