Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize