capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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