That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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