i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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