Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
