I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was confusing and full of hummus
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
