So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my being single is dangerous.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize