I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize