True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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