Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
