i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
