Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
