im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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