I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
