Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
