How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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