he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
