was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
