Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
