Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize