Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
