I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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