Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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