Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
