Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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