I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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