im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
