I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
