Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
