Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
