just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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