he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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