Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
