The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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