i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
