My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
