wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
farters have to be the big spoon...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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