When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
