I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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