took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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