This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
