He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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