Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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