so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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