you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
