The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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