God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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