It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
