I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
