I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
