Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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