after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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