i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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