I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
