He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize