What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He passed out mid-signature
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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