Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
