I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
