I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
