The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
