dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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